I have taken my own advice

and I'm learning to love my work again

I asked myself a question last week. Could I write with the same joy as I have when I garden? It turns out I can. Perhaps by putting these thoughts on paper I understood what I needed to do to help me fall back in love with my creativity or perhaps it’s being part of NaPoWriMo, courtesy of

Wendy Pratt

Notes from the Margin April write-a-thon, that has made the difference.

What joy there is to come from this month’s seed sowing frenzy.

What exactly is different from last month

I set myself a bunch of goals at the beginning of the year, which I review at three monthly intervals. Many of these were around submitting current works in progress. I had a couple about reading more poetry and one about losing weight. If I tell you the only that’s really happened is that I’ve lost some weight you can imagine how bleak the relationship between me and my works in progress was.

I realise I’d lost sight of the reason for writing which is to say something I believe to be important. Striving for publication has meant I’ve been trying to tailor my work to meet what I perceive to be publisher’s preferences, rather than letting the full force of my personality, values and beliefs shine through. I realised that the work I admire and enjoy most – be it music, art or literature – is that which feels real, resonates and challenges me. I also realised that the overwhelming emphasis on publication has crept into my reading, that I had begin to read in a purely analytical way, rather than responding with my emotions. Analysis is good, and essential to developing any craft, but analysis without raw emotion denies the point of art.

What am I going to do with this new freedom?

If you’ve been a subscriber for a while, you’ll know that my relationship with my work goes through huge peaks and troughs (I suspect part of this may be down to having Bipolar) so I won’t be surprised if this joy ebbs away a little. For now though I’m going to write as though I’m writing for fun, for myself and enjoy the responses from my lovely Notes from the Margin group. I’m writing in a way I haven’t for a long time – I look forward to the prompts each morning and write with instinct and enthusiasm rather than fear and self-doubt. It’s a wonderful feeling – almost like when I returned to poetry after almost thirty years away from writing but with better results.

I’m also going to revisit the dozens of poems in my files, see what’s good, what sings to me and try to get some order. I’m terrible at keeping track of everything and feel so sad that work I’ve been proud of is languishing in a forgotten file, or misplaced entirely. I’m not looking forward to this bit quite as much.

Another goal I missed

My final goal for this first quarter of the year was to increase my in-person poetry activity. By increase I mean actually do it at all. I haven’t. Transport is my biggest problem. I don’t drive, live in a place with scant public transport (and nothing after 6pm) and taxis are out of my budget. There is an event within walking distance, but it falls on the day I have mother-care responsibilities, a day which cannot be changed. So I’ve been a bit stumped. I’m persistent though and earlier this week I spotted a post on social media from poet Cherry Doyle, recounting the day she’d spent with the Border Poets group. I’ve wanted to be part of this group for a while, but they’ve been closed to new members. You know what’s coming don’t you – I took a chance and messaged Cherry and they’re looking for new people. The only sticking point is getting to the venue (it’s in deepest Shropshire) but there’s a strong chance something will work out. I’m so excited about this – I think it will boost my confidence and skills. I’m also thrilled that the thought of making new friends doesn’t terrify me quite as much as it used to – thank you Lamotrigine!

A new book of poetry I think you’ll enjoy

Before I go, I want to tell you about State by Lewis Wyn Davies. I first encountered Lewis’ work when I was looking for someone to illustrate my second poetry book, Dust. During my search I came across Lewis’ debut book Comprehensive, produced in collaboration with artist Saffron Russell. As soon as I read it I knew I’d found the right illustrator – and I’d also found a brilliant new poet.

Lewis’ latest book State arrived this morning and while I’ve only had chance to read the first few poems, I know I’m going to gain a lot from it. State feels like a book that’s written to connect with everyone, rather than a book that’s written to impress other poets. To me that’s the differentiation I’m looking to achieve with my own work and realising this brings freedom, excitement and enthusiasm to continue to write. I’ll be publishing a review of State within the next month or so and if you’d like to buy your own copy you’ll find it here.

Until next time

Kathryn

xx