What I've learned this year

publication, housekeeping and caring for my brain

I’m sitting here with freshly painted festive nails (hoping I don’t do my usual trick of smudging them because of my innate impatience) and pondering an end of year post. The truth is I haven’t had a huge amount of shoutaboutable success. My year has been one of quiet progress, behind the scenes housekeeping and preparation for where I want to be. I’ve addressed significant physical and mental health issues, developed a healthier way of eating and moving within the restrictions posed by M.E. and finally sought psychiatric help for my head. All good. Not like winning the booker prize though eh?

Poetry Publications

I’m not surprised by my apparent lack of “success”. I made a decision at the beginning of last year to submit to publications I regarded as out of reach. Standards are higher, chances of success are lower – yet it’s a strategy that has paid off. Instead of chasing the dopamine hit of publication I’ve focused on becoming better at what I do, and really understanding what it is I want to say. I’m barely halfway to either of these things, but I am ending the year with two small collections of poetry that have a real sense of identity. Both have been longlisted in competitions I barely dared dream of entering and I am proud to have written them. Publication will come – I just need to be patient and diligent in finding the right home. I’ve had individual poems longlisted for publication in Butcher’s Dog, as well has being part of the final issues of Dreich and the fabulous Spelt Magazine. I’m growing braver in terms of style, and content as well as developing an understanding of what matters to me.

so pleased to have this poem published in Spelt magazine.

Substack, oh substack

My relationship with Substack has been tricky this year. I dived in, feeling I’d found my place, then floundered. I began to feel a real sense of rejection and competition in terms of gaining subscribers, and trying to make the whole thing pay. It killed the joy of writing and left me cross and sad. Obviously there are a host of other issues to address here (and I’m working on them) but it became clear that trying to build a business on Substack wasn’t the right thing for me. It may be something I pursue in the future, but for now I want to refocus on connecting with a writers community and making meaningful contacts with people whose work I enjoy, and who enjoy mine.

Next year…

My morning has been spent looking at goals for next year – I’ve more work to do in terms of the nuts and bolts, but I’ve had a realisation that I need to give myself permission to focus on writing for its own sake, rather than as a potential income stream. My work as a bespoke poet and copywriter will continue, but as far as my creative writing is concerned I need to see the art as valuable for its own sake – which of course means seeing value in myself. I’m determined to connect with the poetry and writing community in a more meaningful way, rather than squirrel myself away in the safety of home. It’s hard to put myself “out there” but I can see how actively supporting others in their work offers a path to growth and nourishment for everyone involved.

I finish the year in a calmer place. I have a greater understanding of what matters to me, how I want to use my writing and where I want to be in this peculiar, terrifying world. I often bewildered and frustrated, and often filled with rage at my lack of confidence. I am proud that I keep going, and proud of how far I’ve come. As my mental health improves, I hope that the barriers I so frequently fashion will become less powerful and that I’ll be able to continue to develop my skills and build on the connections I’ve made. On top of all this positivity, I can inform you that my nails have dried successfully! Christmas can begin…

Until next time

Kathryn

xx