I'm so sorry you've been living through a rough patch, and I hope you feel some relief soon. I know solutions aren't easy--either to find or to get. And that's why supportive friends are so important. I love someone who struggles mightily with depression, and what I can tell you is that I love him no matter what state he is in. He is family, not a friend, but I think that probably doesn't make much difference. We love the people we love as they are, and I'm sure your true friends love you no matter how you are. I'm writing this for myself as much as you. I've got some different chronic health challenges that have been impacting my ability to show up in my friendships in similar ways (and make depression a companion, too), and I've been feeling lately that my friends must be getting tired of it. (I'm SO tired of it!) I appreciate your words for helping to remind me that those feelings are probably more part of the conditions I'm navigating than the reality for my friends. I bet that's true for you, too? Sending you all kinds of good wishes--
Thank you so much Rita - I'm glad writing this has helped you too (I've done all kinds of second guessing if whether I should publish!). Here's to those who love us 😊
I always struggle to know when to reach out, when is too much, or an imposition, or even if I would be relieved well. You make me realise all of that is unimportant and I should just do it.
It's hard to know - but yes I'm of the mind that it's best to just get in touch. If someone's in a terrible place not be received well at that moment, but it will be remembered when the person surfaces again. Keeps the door open, if that makes sense.
I also don’t know when someone considers me ‘of worth’, how long it takes to be a vaguely significant person in that other persons life etc. (blame the autism and many bad experiences) in order to know or understand the time scales for when you should reach out. I need a guide book basically. I know I can be missing in action from external family (the ones I don’t live with) and friends for weeks and no one ever bothers to reach out so I have no examples to follow. I am sorry I hadn’t reached out before, I really enjoyed your holiday pics on Instagram. I will endeavour to do better.
Ah I know that feeling - it's rotten. Of late I've adopted the same attitude I had when I bought my Dad Christmas presents. I knew he probably wouldn't like what I bought, but also suspected he'd like that I'd tried and that was good enough. I'm delighted to have connected with you - you have a unique approach to life that makes me think and I am in awe of your creativity 😊 Here's to reaching out as and when we are able xx
You are very kind, I will move you up from acquaintance to sort of friend (this is partly a joke please do not take offence. I was awed when you reached out to me re poetry. I will endeavour to reach out more when brain width allows.
give it another 6 months and some deep discussions, etc and might even get friend of the internet. if we ever meet up and get on then real life friend may ensue - (wrong computer so no emojis but lots of various laughing face and a tender wink)
Thank you Lucy. Honesty is hard but I'm learning it's the only way - these feelings are not uncommon nor insurmountable yet sometimes they feel overwhelming. Being honest and connecting with others who feel something similar offers a way through.
Oh Kathryn I’m so glad you made it to coffee with your friend 🥹❤️ and it was so lovely reading your words again.
I hope you get the psychiatric support you’re waiting for soon and that it helps. But do know that it’s never too much to show up exactly how you are in the moment 🫂
Thank you Kathryn for such an enlightening post. I too can identify with much of what you share. I have M.E/ CFS,fibromyalgia, dystaunomia and mennieres disease. Unfortunately the last 9 years have been spent mostly in bed. I can walk but not far and because of illness my physical body is very weary along with C- PTSD which exhausts me too.
I have just started seeing a new therapist 2 weeks ago and I have spent the last 18 months being guided from one sort ic therapy to another.
Meanwhile I just want to feel well. But approaching my frustration with self compassion, creating boundaries, practicing self care is part of my self care tool kit. I practice Bhakti yoga, kirtan, and " try " to live from the " LOVE " that I am. I am loved. I am love.
Last night I was listening to a YouTube video interview with Liz Gilbert which has really helped me wake feeling more hopeful, not alone today.
She was very open about her mental health and how she talks to her inner child.
She has spent 50 years not feeling well and that helped as I have been feeling to a lesser or greater degree unwell emotionally/ mentally for over 40 years.
I will pray that you will receive the right sort of help needed that you may feel that you can unfurl your wings and fly and find the friend within, who is you, who will never let you down
This friendship attachment I completely understood, I have " craved" being heard, understood, but I am tentatively taking those few steps forward to realise that I honestly don't think I will ever be completely understood and that no-one can offer me the acceptance and Love that I need.
So I am trying to be my own best friend, whilst still having a couple of friends who I can rely on, one who understands and one doesn't but both are supportive in their own way. It helps.
Also one of my children is very supportive too.
I pray that I will become a confident adult that I seek and live in Love, be accepting of me with all my faults and failings but also as an HSP and empath accept the kindness and love within that reaches out to help so many, because that's who I am. ( when illness allows)
Take care of lovely you., Light, Love, and Peace 🙏💖🕊☮️🧚♂️❤️
Thank you so much for this Sue - you're so right that it's about embracing the friend within. It's hard to do - I know one of my worst habits is to talk unkindly to myself. Sending love and hope for nourishing experience with your new therapist xx
So lovely to hear from you on here and thanks for sharing Kathryn. You are so right - it’s the little check ins that make all the difference, I love the penguin ‘pebbling’ way of looking at it. I hope you have a few moments of light in amongst all the rest. X
I'm so sorry you've been living through a rough patch, and I hope you feel some relief soon. I know solutions aren't easy--either to find or to get. And that's why supportive friends are so important. I love someone who struggles mightily with depression, and what I can tell you is that I love him no matter what state he is in. He is family, not a friend, but I think that probably doesn't make much difference. We love the people we love as they are, and I'm sure your true friends love you no matter how you are. I'm writing this for myself as much as you. I've got some different chronic health challenges that have been impacting my ability to show up in my friendships in similar ways (and make depression a companion, too), and I've been feeling lately that my friends must be getting tired of it. (I'm SO tired of it!) I appreciate your words for helping to remind me that those feelings are probably more part of the conditions I'm navigating than the reality for my friends. I bet that's true for you, too? Sending you all kinds of good wishes--
Thank you so much Rita - I'm glad writing this has helped you too (I've done all kinds of second guessing if whether I should publish!). Here's to those who love us 😊
I always struggle to know when to reach out, when is too much, or an imposition, or even if I would be relieved well. You make me realise all of that is unimportant and I should just do it.
It's hard to know - but yes I'm of the mind that it's best to just get in touch. If someone's in a terrible place not be received well at that moment, but it will be remembered when the person surfaces again. Keeps the door open, if that makes sense.
I also don’t know when someone considers me ‘of worth’, how long it takes to be a vaguely significant person in that other persons life etc. (blame the autism and many bad experiences) in order to know or understand the time scales for when you should reach out. I need a guide book basically. I know I can be missing in action from external family (the ones I don’t live with) and friends for weeks and no one ever bothers to reach out so I have no examples to follow. I am sorry I hadn’t reached out before, I really enjoyed your holiday pics on Instagram. I will endeavour to do better.
Ah I know that feeling - it's rotten. Of late I've adopted the same attitude I had when I bought my Dad Christmas presents. I knew he probably wouldn't like what I bought, but also suspected he'd like that I'd tried and that was good enough. I'm delighted to have connected with you - you have a unique approach to life that makes me think and I am in awe of your creativity 😊 Here's to reaching out as and when we are able xx
You are very kind, I will move you up from acquaintance to sort of friend (this is partly a joke please do not take offence. I was awed when you reached out to me re poetry. I will endeavour to reach out more when brain width allows.
Sort of friend is an honour indeed 😆😊
give it another 6 months and some deep discussions, etc and might even get friend of the internet. if we ever meet up and get on then real life friend may ensue - (wrong computer so no emojis but lots of various laughing face and a tender wink)
Thank you for writing honestly about this, and with such self-awareness. I relate to much of what you say. Oh, and I love the penguin photo too : )
Thank you Lucy. Honesty is hard but I'm learning it's the only way - these feelings are not uncommon nor insurmountable yet sometimes they feel overwhelming. Being honest and connecting with others who feel something similar offers a way through.
Oh Kathryn I’m so glad you made it to coffee with your friend 🥹❤️ and it was so lovely reading your words again.
I hope you get the psychiatric support you’re waiting for soon and that it helps. But do know that it’s never too much to show up exactly how you are in the moment 🫂
Sending love x
Thank you - and thank you for getting in touch ❤️
Thank you Kathryn for such an enlightening post. I too can identify with much of what you share. I have M.E/ CFS,fibromyalgia, dystaunomia and mennieres disease. Unfortunately the last 9 years have been spent mostly in bed. I can walk but not far and because of illness my physical body is very weary along with C- PTSD which exhausts me too.
I have just started seeing a new therapist 2 weeks ago and I have spent the last 18 months being guided from one sort ic therapy to another.
Meanwhile I just want to feel well. But approaching my frustration with self compassion, creating boundaries, practicing self care is part of my self care tool kit. I practice Bhakti yoga, kirtan, and " try " to live from the " LOVE " that I am. I am loved. I am love.
Last night I was listening to a YouTube video interview with Liz Gilbert which has really helped me wake feeling more hopeful, not alone today.
She was very open about her mental health and how she talks to her inner child.
She has spent 50 years not feeling well and that helped as I have been feeling to a lesser or greater degree unwell emotionally/ mentally for over 40 years.
I will pray that you will receive the right sort of help needed that you may feel that you can unfurl your wings and fly and find the friend within, who is you, who will never let you down
This friendship attachment I completely understood, I have " craved" being heard, understood, but I am tentatively taking those few steps forward to realise that I honestly don't think I will ever be completely understood and that no-one can offer me the acceptance and Love that I need.
So I am trying to be my own best friend, whilst still having a couple of friends who I can rely on, one who understands and one doesn't but both are supportive in their own way. It helps.
Also one of my children is very supportive too.
I pray that I will become a confident adult that I seek and live in Love, be accepting of me with all my faults and failings but also as an HSP and empath accept the kindness and love within that reaches out to help so many, because that's who I am. ( when illness allows)
Take care of lovely you., Light, Love, and Peace 🙏💖🕊☮️🧚♂️❤️
Thank you so much for this Sue - you're so right that it's about embracing the friend within. It's hard to do - I know one of my worst habits is to talk unkindly to myself. Sending love and hope for nourishing experience with your new therapist xx
Thank you. Prayers and love ❤️
So lovely to hear from you on here and thanks for sharing Kathryn. You are so right - it’s the little check ins that make all the difference, I love the penguin ‘pebbling’ way of looking at it. I hope you have a few moments of light in amongst all the rest. X
Thank you Bonnie xx
Hoping things are feeling a bit better now, Kathryn, and sending you a hug! x
Thank you xx I'm loving your adventures in Ventspils!